It Was Tuesday

March 4, 2009


The crueller sun rose, like a hangman polishing his mask with the blood of a wrongly convicted dead man’s dog. It was Tuesday. Fucking Tuesday. Mother-fucking Tuesday. Cock-sucking Tuesday, the jaggiest turd of all the days of the week, of all seven. This was to be the day.  Today, Tuesday, would be the day it would happen, come to pass if you will, or even if you won’t, for there could be no respite from it, no escape, no way out, no chance for an evasion of the inevitable outcome of what simply had to happen this day.

He shook his head with the precision of a darts supremo stroking himself with last night’s spent flights; finished, sticky. His love affair of a haircut vaguely resembled a policeman’s guilt, he suggested as he regarded himself sarcastically in the hallway mirror. “I’M SO FUCKING COMFORTABLE” he shouted to the retrospective furnishings in his (1970s) Blackpool-style bathroom as he prepared to thrash himself mentally with a few rounds of solitaire on his Elvis-shaped laptop computer. He had to be sharp, on the ball, fighting fit brain-wise for today’s confrontation battle. This was the only way he would possibly survive the draining and exhausting rigours of what was awaiting him to come.

“Don’t let him inside your humour”, he kept reminding himself; that’s when he gets you, sinks his teeth in like a newly ordinated priest blessing the water for his first and last exorcism before leaving the priesthood for a frustrated life of deliberation and shoplifting. He practised for a while: “Good morning doctor, I want you to prescribe me a stronger inhaler, yes that’s right, a stronger inhaler, please?” He’d better be a bit fucking more aggressive than that when it came to it, he thought before finally deciding to discard the paper hankie he had been using for the last week or so, and replace it with a fresh one; it seemed appropriate given the circumstances and anyway, it had begun to smell a bit weird since he’d used it to mop up a small amount of milk from the worktop on Friday.


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